I remember the last time I saw you. As you walked to your car, I did everything I could to hold back the tears. And I did. From here on out, I'm going to be that strong. And the moment you left, there was no I love you spoken. Why were we always holding back those words? I need to stop doing that so much. And so do you. We held each other back. We were both so hesitant to feel anything. I wanted more than anything to let you in. But you never pushed to know more. You never asked me. But I never asked you either. I was always on eggshells when it came to emotions. I was so afraid to show you I needed you, and at the time, I really did need you. But I don't anymore.

I'm going to be okay. My heart is going to heal before I know it. He held my hand the other night. And played with my fingers as we woke up. He doesn't make me any promises. There is no expectations or anything like that. I like time spent with him. Its effortless and he makes me feel real again. And when he's gone, i miss hanging out with him. I was taking him for granted for a few weeks now. But I should have been giving more. Because when someone starts to jumpstart your heart again, you can't let them walk away. I need to stop wanting what I use to have. I'm never going to be with him again. So I need to be more welcoming to whats in front of me. I can't play games just because I'm not exactly ready. Maybe this is what I need.