You're Beautiful in every little piece love.  And don't you know, you're really gonna be someone...

Last Semester's Notebook

      Before i go to walk away, he grabs my hand and pulls me back in.  His fingers send a shock of electricity through the tips of mine.  I start dreading spending the night without him next to me.  It seems rediculous to want so much so fast.  I know i shouldn't get close, he'll be gone in less than a year.  I'm setting myself up for a disaster.  The smart thing would be to just back away, but i'm tired of running.  I want to see where this goes.  My fears shouldn't stop me from being happy.

       Maybe this isn't going anywhere.  I don't think you know what you want.  I'm trying really hard to be okay with that.  I know that when i kiss you, your smile grows bigger.  While i lay on your chest we laugh.  I can't help but to always want you around.  I've been smiling a lot.

       Last week was incredible.  Those arms of yours are becoming my safe place.  i was getting ready to go home and insisted on seeing me before i left.  That gave me a lot of hope for whatever we are.  When i said i was having a bad week you pulled me in close and said "everyone has them, comer over here you."  I don't think i'm ready to open up to you yet.  And i know your not ready for that.  I like that there is no pressure on me from you.  I think your sincere in all of your actions.  Part of me wants you to be like every other guy and disappoint me.  Just so i can get out, do what i always do and just run.  I keep telling myelf that it's time to change and that it's okay to change.  

        One day i won't need someone else to make me feel pretty.

        Thursday we'll hang out and go to the movies.  You told me i should skip my morning class on Friday.  We're "just friends" but you seem to be persistant recently.  My hopes are as high as mountains.  I should just give up and move on but i can't do that. When i see you my heart beats faster.  I know you don't want to let me go.  It killed you to see him laying in my bed.  But if you don't want me, someone else will and i think you finally realised that.  I hope you decide to stick around and take back your words.

       You were never mine and i never really had you.  I'm sorry i care so much.

       You wrap your arm around me and kiss my shoulder.  What do you want from me?

       I haven't seen you in a week. I miss everything about you.  Your hands need to find a way back to my waist.  And your lips need to meet mine again. You make me feel invincible.  

These are my intentions.

After tonight...

   I know how i feel, but i'm not clear about how you feel. I knew this is how it would be when we were back. I don't know why I thought things would change. You really only want me when you can't have me. This isn't something to be thrown around. My feelings for you are growing stonger with each night spent in your arms. Please don't let me down.

Tomorrow

     I'll be back to the place where things make sense.  I'm ready for this semester and plan on enjoying every second of it. Your arms have become my safe place, even though its not my best decision. For once i'm not running. 

Right now, i need you to miss me.

Note To Self

     Be happy. Be content with what you have and enjoy every second of it.  Nothing is impossible.  He cares for you and that is enough. Don't let your fears hold you back from enjoying your life.  Life doesn't give you second chances, be happy that he did.  Everything should mean something, and this does. Stop telling yourself your not good enough. He's just scared. Believe in yourself for once. Your worth this.

Dear Heart,

     Stop feeling what your feeling.  Your going to break yourself into thousands of pieces.  He couldn't stay even if he wanted to. 

You Put On Quite A Show

      For a while there you had me believing every word.  You had me hanging on them.  But then you said forever and always, just like you use to.  And I realised were never going to be remotely close to what we use to be.  I can finally say i'm completely over you and everything we use to be.  I have no regrets about us.  You were never good enough for me.  

      Then there is him...  The guy who has me smiling everyday from miles and miles away.  I know he is just going to leave but i'm going to make the best of the time I have with him. He cares, and I'm finally starting to believe that. And with every day I get more and more attached.  Every day I become closer to trusting him.

      I do miss you and I do care. I just think i'm hurt that you ever thought i didn't. A lot has been going on lately. And i can't say i can handle it all. None of that is really your fault.