To A New Year

Hopefully this year will have less let downs than the last. And maybe the people who say they love me, won't just walk out. Because when you care about someone, you don't just leave them. I've never felt as alone as I did the past few months. In some ways, thats no one's fault but my own.

It's a new year, and I'm smiling again. The days are still long and draining. At the end of the day, I still feel empty. But in ways, that emptiness has been here for a long time. Someone said last night, that he obviously never cared about me that much if he so easily let go. I know they were just trying to hurt me, and they really did. Because sometimes I believe that. Sometimes I can't figure out how anyone could care for me. And if they all really did, how come they never stayed around. This doesn't just go for guys.

I'm not the girl I use to be. I'm not as strong as I always was. The past few months have tore me apart. And most of it, doesn't even have to do with him. I'm not as naive as i once was. I know that being in love doesn't mean anything in the long run. Of course it's worth it, but it doesn't promise anything. Love does not conquer all. Love wakes you up and makes you feel alive. It makes you feel invincible and like you have been given the ability to fly. But it doesn't last. Just like everything else good, it eventually comes to an end. Even when it seems like feelings that strong could last forever.

So here is my new years resolution. I want to be stronger. I want to realize that sometimes the plain fact is that he just doesn't want you. I need to start realizing that the people who want to be in my life, make an effort to keep themselves there. But it is not their responsibility alone. I need to start using my head instead of my heart again. I use to be so good at making decisions like that. But recently I find myself wanting to feel anything. But I'm just going to get myself hurt. I need to find some kind of motivation.