Out of Weakness

I texted you and told you, "I just wish I didn't have to spend tonight alone." I don't remember the last time I allowed myself to be that vulnerable. You instantly knew something was off. You're always pushing me to talk to you. And maybe I'm ready. I need to start talking to someone.

It makes no sense that talking is what I miss most about Steve. Yes I said his name. I just miss the hard days, when a few words from him, made it all feel better. Lately the days are ripping me apart. I can't find it in me, to just be happy. There is too much going on. There is so much at stake. These moments have the ability to make or break who I become in the future.

I can not afford to keep supporting him. But he's my father and he is homeless and a mess. And you can't just let family suffer like that. So I'll continue to work my ass off and get him what I can. And I'll continue to hope that someone I can stay at Siena. I'll continue to work myself to the point where I can't just relax.