This Time is The Last Time

So I let go of you. I deleted your phone number. We are never going to be what we were. You have given up any hope of us so I'm forcing myself to do the same. I refuse to live in the past and keep my fingers crossed that you will actually want me back. I am never going to be good enough for you. No matter how amazing I treat you, the army will always be your first priority. I use to dream about marrying you. Settling down and investing everything I had in us. But you wouldn't deserve that. Your so set on trying to do the right thing that you miss what is right in front of you. That was love. It was passionate and beautiful and it didn't have to be gone. But it scared you, and it made sense to want out. At first I felt relived. Like maybe you were doing me a favor. Because I am always running from my feelings. And this was the perfect excuse. But I stopped running when it came to you. Nothing you did or said could scare me enough, because I felt safe with you. I felt everything with you.

I hate that you see this all so simple. It was too hard. I was willing to do anything to make this work, even if it meant seeing you for two days every four or five months. I was happy to spend my nights far from you thinking of you, knowing that you were thinking of me too. "We're both just at really different spots in our life." I know that, I get it all. I am not going to let this crush me. I'm not going to be the girl who spends her nights wrapped up in his sweatshirt crying until the tears no longer come. I'm perfectly capable of holding it together, smiling, and slowly trying to remember what it is like to be cared for. Other lips will touch mine, and maybe one day, I won't think of you every time.