I Need to Stop Finding All These In My Notebooks

Hearing your voice comforts me in ways others could never understand. When your gone you are constantly on my mind. Everything seems to relate to you. You have made a great impact on me. Your scent no longer lingers in my room. You're gone again. The weekend you spent here seems unreal. Its like it is all a dream that took place weeks ago. For some reason I believe in us. I believe in you. Please don't be afraid to hurt me. Don't run away from this. I think you know that what we have is different. It is not like anything either one of us has felt before.

I keep trying to tell myself that time apart won't break us. I've been falling apart for weeks but no one seems to notice. I miss your arms wrapping around me and heating me to the bones. The cold seems to devour me and stay with me for days at a time. I wish I was strong enough to rid myself of all the worries that weigh me down.

It has been two weeks since we began to fall apart. I'm missing everything about you. You signed onto skype last night and I wanted to grab my webcam and talk to you. I just wanted to talk. I wanted to tell you how I thought of your sister all day yesterday. I wanted to tell you that us breaking up is a mistake. And one day your really going to miss me and regret letting me go. What we had was as real as it gets. One day I hope you put your heart before your head.

How are you doing? Did I mess up how well you were moving on? I miss you every single minute of everyday. But I'm holding it together. I force myself to smile everyday. You always told me I looked better with a smile. I know that one day this will all get easier. I can't wait until your name doesn't rip me apart inside. I hope you are doing better than I am. I want nothing more than for you to be happy. Since its veterans day, I keep seeing things about the military everywhere. Constantly I imagine your dressed in all your camouflage gear.... It's early and I'm still in bed as I hear you shuffling around. I roll over to look at you and you kiss my forehead. Then you sit on the bed and begin to put on your boots. I watch you until your ready to leave. you pull the blanket back over me and leave without a sound. There is nothing out of the ordinary about this. It is the typical morning, with you calling on your way back to pick me up for class. As i get out of the car I automatically begin to look forward to seeing you again... Do you remember all those nights we use to spend together? I think that is what I miss the most. But i have been missing that for months and months now. Those nights spent in your arms are what made me fall in love with you.

The cold air sweeps right through my jacket. Yes I'm actually wearing a jacket. I've been on my own for the last few days. I'm pulling myself away from anyone who cares about me. Everyone here is so disappointed with me. I let them all down. I wasn't strong enough. I went back on my words. I'm sorry that I just don't know how to deal with losing him.

You looked really happy in those pictures. I'm really sorry if I made your night shitty. I just want you to be happy. If you're happy, i'll just suck it up and be glad that you're doing okay.