This Break....

        Is tearing me to pieces. I can't expect many of you to understand why. I'm pulling myself away from everyone.  Because breathing hurts at this point. My distraction and the person who has kept me smiling for months is miles and miles away.  This was the worst, most teared filled Christmas I have ever experienced.  I thought I had gotten so much stronger.  I'm always pushing aside my feelings and I'm still not ready to stop. 

    I need someone to want to have me around. I need someone to need me in their life. Maybe you could be that person? But probably not.  Everyone i choose to care about leaves me, or pushes me away. I already know you'll leave, you have to. I wish my heart was as stone cold as it use to be. I'm sick of feeling anything.

Dear pain killers, you make me tingle. I like it.